Martha shifts on the church pew, watching the man in front of her slip his arm around his wife.  Biting her lip and battling back the tears, all she can do is pray, "Lord, why can't my husband be sitting beside me? Oh, Father, I've done all I can to bring Jeremy to you.  Why won't he believe?"

If your husband is not saved, you probably know how Martha is feeling.  You examine yourself to see just what to say or do to encourage him to God.  Sometimes, even with very good intentions, you mess things up by nagging and worrying.  You wonder if you should be a silent witness, but you fear that time is running out and you must do something now.

Here are some guidelines to help you worry less, relax more, and let God usher your husband into His kingdom.

Take the responsibility off your shoulders.   You cannot save your husband, only God can.  There's a difference between feeling burdened for his salvation and trying to shoulder the load for his decision.  The first leaves room for joy, while the second produces misery.  Your mate's salvation is ultimately a transaction or agreement between him and God.  You are responsible to live a godly lifestyle before him, not leaving him any reasons to oppose the gospel being ministered unto him in love.

Separate his actions from your reputation.   If you think that of your husband as a reflection of yourself, you'll be angry when he resists the gospel or acts in some ungodly fashion.  Susan boiled inside when her husband, Larry, closed his mind to the word during church service.  His outward expressions clearly manifested his lack of interest in what was going on.  Susan wondered what everyone else was thinking of him - and her.  Finally, as they approached their home, she cried at him, "you could have at least pretended to be interested in the program." 

Because you desire his salvation so badly, it is very tempting to try and squeeze an unsaved spouse into a Christian mold.  If you're too easily upset by his behavior, check your own motivations.  Do you get rattled because he's breaking God's law or because he's hurting your pride?

Don't idealize Christian husbands.   Realize that your husband's salvation won't necessarily solve all of your problems.  Even Christian marriages aren't perfect.  Everyone of us has personality weaknesses, even the most godly Christian man. 

Understand Submission.   Since your husband isn't a Christian, you may be tempted to turn into an unwilling servant.  You may even find yourself ignoring his directions because his life isn't grounded in the word of God.  There may be a better way to handle things.

In reality, submission does not mean that you totally surrender your ability to think for yourself, but rather that you use your creative abilities to find suitable and godly alternatives.  Don't totally shut off to his recommendations just because he's not saved, because God can still direct his attitudes and decisions if you pray. 

If your unsaved husband wants you to do something that is obviously against the will of God, then it's OK for you to refuse.  If you are in an abusive situation, do not allow yourself to be victimized, not even in the name of submission.  Seek unbiased godly counsel and get the support that you need. 

Focus on the positive and pray!   When your husband isn't saved, it's very easy to focus on the negatives about his personality.  But you must realize, that, unbelieving husbands can still be good providers, thoughtful husbands, and devoted fathers.  Try complimenting him instead of criticizing him.  You may be able to do more as you pray for God to intervene, but you must also trust that God is working behind the scenes on your behalf.

Ask God to change you.   Often, when you're focused on changing someone else, God changes the scope and places the bullseye back on you.  As you relate to your unbelieving spouse, consider these questions:

• Are you leading a life that truly represents Christ?  Are you grumbling or content?  Do you live a blameless and innocent life before him?  Do you hold fast to the word of God by studying and memorizing scriptures?
• Even if your husband forbids you to attend church services, do you continue to read the Bible and pray at home?  Do you look for fellowship opportunities that do not conflict with his work schedule?
• Are you growing in your knowledge of the gospel so you'll be able to share it with him?  At an unexpected time, you husband may be willing to listen.  The bible encourages us to season our speech with grace. 
• Are you becoming strong in the Lord so that you can resist being discouraged?  Many times others want to see if you are really firm in your faith before they step out to try it for themselves. 

"For the rest of you who are in mixed marriages - Christians married to non-Christians - we have no explicit command from the Master.  So this is what you must do.  If you are a man with a wife who is not a believer but who still wants to live with you, hold on to her.  If you are a woman with a husband who is not a believer but he wants to live with you, hold on to him.  The unbelieving husband shares to an extent in the holiness of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is likewise touched by the holiness of her husband.  Otherwise, your children would be left out; as it is, they are also included in the spiritual purposes of God"  1 Corinthians 7:14-16